I hate finishing a round of golf. I don’t mean that I hate walking off the golf course. After 18 holes, I’m usually ready for a meal, a beer or, more likely these days, a nap.
What I mean is that I’ve grown to despise arriving at the cart-return area. You know the routine: Before your cart has come to a stop, you’re approached by a towel-wielding teen who says something like, “Would you like your clubs cleaned?” The towel boy then gives your clubs a perfunctory wipe. Your clubs won’t be any cleaner, but your wallet will be lighter after giving the towel boy the obligatory tip for, in effect, doing nothing.
Let’s be clear: In other parts of society, this is what’s known as organized extortion. These towel boys are roughly akin to the squeegee men who long have accosted drivers in New York and other major cities, then demand payoffs for their unwanted “services.”
There are two differences. First, golf clubs sanction this extortion. Golf has no firebrand campaigning to end its squeegee menace, as Rudy Giuliani famously did during the early 1990s in New York. And unlike Manhattan motorists who sometimes took umbrage at the squeegee men, we golfers all too quickly offer gratuities, even if they’re gratuitous. Perhaps we should heed the words of Mr. Pink, Steve Buscemi’s character in “Reservoir Dogs,” who said, “I don’t tip because society says I have to. . . . This tipping automatically is for the birds.”
It has reached the point where, after hitting my approach shot on No. 18, I’ll store any extra tees, balls and divot-repair tools in my bag, put the headcovers back on all the metalwoods, and stuff any rain gear or other clothing in my bag, all in hopes of making a quick getaway before confronting the towel boy. One recent course I visited apparently is on to guys like me. The staff doesn’t even wait for players to return their carts. A towel boy was waiting for our foursome at the 18th green, and he dabbed at our clubs as we putted out, then waited by our carts for us to return. Guilt ridden, all of us reached into our wallets for a few bucks. I quickly did the math: Over the course of an hour, he probably collects tips totaling $50 or more – for a service that’s neither wanted nor needed.
I know what you’re thinking: Golf courses are ensuring the future of the game by finding work for these youngsters. That doesn’t wash. Everyone knows a better tack would be to put youngsters to work caddying, but that would eat into cart fees. So course operators literally get golfers coming (cart fees) and going (towel boys).
Maybe Giuliani, a presidential aspirant and occasional golfer, should consider dipping into his old playbook and tackling this issue. He’d get my vote.
Posted: 10/30/2007
print
email
discuss
