When Missy Farr-Kaye turns 50, she might celebrate on a tropical island. Milestone birthdays haven’t been kind to the Arizona State assistant coach these last 20 years. Might not be a bad idea to escape to a place where they put tiny umbrellas in your drink.
It was April 1998 when Farr-Kaye, 30, was first diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through a number of operations, including a bilateral mastectomy. Now, at age 40, Farr-Kaye finds herself battling the relentless disease for a second time.
“I gave myself about a day for a pity party, and then I picked myself up and said ‘Mom let’s find the best doctors we can get,’ ” Farr-Kaye said. “I’m going to beat it.”
Farr-Kaye, a petite woman with a big smile, discovered a lump July 5 and immediately scheduled an appointment with a radiologist for the following Monday. On Tuesday, July 8, she was told the biopsy came back positive.
Farr-Kaye soon called longtime friend and ASU head coach Melissa Luellen to give her the news. They both had a good cry, fearing the worst. Luellen hung up the phone and sat stunned in her office chair.
“Something my mom taught me about being a coach,” Luellen said. “Always have tissues in the bottom drawer.”
Farr-Kaye went in for surgery July 11 and had 11 lymph nodes removed. Waiting for those test results to come back were some of the longest days of her life. What do you say to three boys who know this same disease took their aunt away from them 15 years ago?
Heather Farr, Missy’s older sister, died of breast cancer in 1993 at age 28. Both sisters were All-Americans at ASU, with Heather also winning the U.S. Women’s Amateur Public Links in 1984. Heather Farr’s LPGA career was cut short when she was diagnosed at 24. She underwent 15 operations during her lengthy battle, and carried a smile throughout. The LPGA now has a Heather Farr Player Award, given each year to a member who demonstrates a tremendous amount of perseverance and spirit.
Thankfully for Missy, the cancer had not spread to the lymph nodes. She will undergo a second surgery Aug. 6 to remove any remaining cancer cells and will then start chemotherapy and radiation. Her long-term prognosis is good, but the next several months won’t be easy.
“Oh my gosh, how much can one family take?” Luellen rightfully asks.
When news about Farr-Kaye spread at the U.S. Girls’ Junior, Luellen was inundated with questions and well wishes. Like her older sister, Missy has a way of lighting up a room.
Looking back on how much Heather shaped her life, Missy marvels at the way her sister put family and friends at ease about her illness. Heather taught Missy how to be strong and persevere. How to handle decaying health with the utmost dignity and class.
Now she’ll show a talented ASU team those same characteristics. Farr-Kaye hopes to make practice at least once a week this fall. She’ll also be in the bleachers when she can, cheering on her two oldest sons at football games. She expects to lose her hair and have days when getting out of bed just isn’t a good idea.
In college golf, however, it’s the spring that counts. ASU welcomes two international hotshots, Spanish star Carlota Ciganda and Giulia Molinaro of Italy, in January. Luellen predicts it will be a “tale of two seasons,” with her friend and trusty assistant, Missy, back on the road as well. In Tempe, they’re eyeing nothing short of a championship run.
From Farr-Kaye, the Sun Devils will learn what it means to truly fight. Farr-Kaye has a deep sense of compassion; it’s evident in her kind eyes.
“I think the important thing to take away from this is life isn’t perfect,” she said. “Things happen and how you handle them says a lot about you. We have choices. My choice is to stand up and be strong, have a good attitude, approach it with humor and lightheartedness.”
Maybe we can all learn something from Farr-Kaye. Looking forward to the spring.
Posted: 7/25/2008
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