I would like to take this opportunity to offer Phil Mickelson my services as ghostwriter for a future autobiography entitled...
“Pulling a Mickelson: Where do I begin? (How little Phil grew up to be Lefty)”
(My fee: One green jacket, or two green Ford Escape Hybrids.)
I figure this to be the best time to get crackin’, for two reasons:
1.) Lefty blew a five-shot lead with nine holes to go Sunday morning at the HSBC Champions in China, but won anyway, as only Phil Mickelson could.
He beat two Englishmen on the second hole of a sudden-death playoff, including Ross Fisher, who choked on a double-bogey at 18. (Fisher would have won with bogey.)
“It feels amazing,” said Mickelson, who rolled in a 6-foot birdie putt for the victory, only making me yearn for the Phil Mickelson of yesteryear.
When will Phil blow up next?
“I don’t know how it happened,” he continued, in that “Sesame Street” tone of his that always makes me either:
a.) Throw my remote batteries across the room, or
b.) Play the 30-second preview of Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” on iTunes.
“The whole day was a whirlwind,” he said. “But what a fun day.”
2.) Phil is taking the next 2 1/2 months off, which also happens to fit into my winter schedule. (Please note: I am willing to put this book at the top of my priority list, even if it means moving into the Mickelson estate for a couple months. For the record, I cook a mean Western omelette.)
Accordingly, I have already prepared a few chapter ideas I think would put “Pulling a Mickelson” atop the
New York Times’ Best Seller list before you can say “This has been a great opportunity for me to test some great Callaway equipment this week”:
(Disregard the fact that none of these stories are actually true. I just need to sell books.)
•
Phil’s first day of school. One of Phil Mickelson’s elementary school friends remembers the younger Lefty as “unusually polite beyond his years.” Mickelson’s third-grade teacher Mrs. Frodd recalls giving an assignment on the first day of school that asked students to write for five minutes on the following topic: What I did on my summer vacation.
Phil’s response: “It was really an interesting summer, and I was fortunate to experience it.
“There were some ups, and there were some downs, but I just kept fighting. It’s a funny game, summer vacation. You never know what’s going to happen.
“But I’d just like to take this time to thank Mrs. Frodd for accepting me into this classroom. I want to thank the school administration for keeping the class size down to 23, and to all of my classmates for making the first hour of this school year extremely comfortable.
“What a fun day, what a fun opportunity.”
•
Phil plays house. Stuck at family barbecue, an 8-year-old Phil is forced by his mother to “go play with your cousins.” There are four cousins, and they are all girls.
“What do you want to do?” Phil asks.
“We want to play house,” the girls ring out in unison.
Thinking he would rather play footsies with elementary school bullies Viger and Tijay, Phil obliges.
Soonafter, Phil’s mother watches as her son hits a rock with a stick into a dirt hole, jumps up with his arms raised and legs spread. Seconds later, all four cousins run toward Phil in celebration. (The scene is repeated about five or six times that afternoon.)
In the car driving home that night, Phil’s mother asks what that was all about.
“I was practicing winning the Masters,” Phil said. “But as much as I practice, I can’t seem figure out the best time for my family to rush out onto the green.
“Do you think my kids should run out first, or my wife?”
•
Phil goes camping. A 13-year-old Phil is invited by friends to go on a four-day camping trip at the state forest. Phil accepts.
The first three days are filled with such activities as water-skiing, fishing and hiking.
“I am so lucky to be able to just be a kid and enjoy the wilderness before global warming takes this all away,” Phil says.
Things change on Day 4.
Participating in a simple game of Capture the Flag, Phil grabs his opponent’s flag and runs back toward home base.
About 200 yards from victory, Phil gets distracted and runs into a big, white tent on a neighboring campsite, falling flat on his face.
Phil’s friend, Geoff, reclaims the flag for the opposing team.
“I just can’t believe that I did that,” Phil said after the loss.
“I am such an idiot.”
Posted: 11/12/2007
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