WINTER GARDEN, Fla. – Welcome to The Frank Lickliter II School of Shut The Hell Up. Some people just call it hell. Others, Q-School.
Excuse this Massachusettsianism, but thanks to Lickliter’s antics this week, I’m going with
wicked awesome.
Attention Mr. Finchem: I’d advise renaming this whole expert golfer’s club thing you’ve got going.
My suggestion: PGE Tour. That’s Professional Golf Entertainment, period. (See: Former World Wrestling Federation, Vince McMahon.)
Professional Golf Association. Yawn.
Professional Golf Entertainment. Hey mon!
For those of you just climbing out from under this weekend’s pile of BCS, Lickliter is lighting up Q-School.
Rumor is he has 14 blowtorches in his bag.
Reality is he’s made 31 birdies and three eagles this week and is currently 28 under and at least five strokes better than everybody else.
Problem (for some) is, he ain’t talking about any of it.
Lickliter, 38, opened the final stage Wednesday with a 10-under 62, and didn’t feel like stopping for any fireside chats on his trek to the parking lot here at Orange County National. He went for 62 again Thursday, then explained to at least one member of the media he wouldn’t be explaining anything else until Monday.
“No,” was exactly how he put it.
So far, he’s led wire-to-wire and made us media folk walk the tight rope. (Word is Lickliter also put the metal to the mute button in 2005, when he finished tied for 26th.)
The journalist side of me figures there’s something wrong with this, mostly because there doesn’t seem to be a great reason for him to keep completely quiet, especially when he’s shooting ridiculous numbers. We’d probably be happy with even 60 seconds or less of Lickliter daily. He’s still the leader, whether he talks about it or not.
But the fan in me loves the Lickliter side of Q-School. (I’ve always had a soft spot for the bad ass, especially ones like Bill Belichick, or Darth Vader.)
This really isn’t anything new. Lickliter’s underground following is significant, and I’ve been marching for a while.
Rabid golf fans know what I’m talking about.
They know Lickliter’s nickname is “Frankie the Blade,” a moniker that stemmed from an incident 10 years ago when Lickliter was charged with aggravated assault for allegedly pulling a pocket knife on a man in a Duluth, Ga., sports bar.
They know he hates slow play.
They know he’s been fined for kicking a hole in a garbage can. Suspended for screaming profanities at a spectator. Torn up for losing to Phil Mickelson’s
double bogey in a playoff at the 2001 Buick Open.
They know that Lickliter lean, as he waits in a fairway or on a green: Legs crossed, one hand on his hip, the other leaning on his club, as if he’s about to trigger a trap door under his playing partner.
They know what he drives: A Hummer. They know what he hunts: Alaskan bears. They know who he supports: The troops (He has visited Iraq, and hosted events for the Wounded Warrior Project).
They know that when Phil Mickelson skipped the Byron Nelson pro-am this season but was given a controversial pass to the play in the event anyway, Lickliter was one of the first guys to speak up, to the media and Mickelson.
(As my colleague Jeff Rude wrote that week, “Lickliter is the guy on Tour I’d least like to lock eyes with, tick off or engage in any activity that could be called a fight.”)
You may have even heard the jokes, stolen straight from those addictive Chuck Norris joke websites, which praise the American martial artist/actor in a certain sarcasm:
• Frank Lickliter (or Chuck Norris) doesn’t sleep, he waits.
• Frank Lickliter doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
• Frank Lickliter counted to infinity – twice.
• If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all three at the same time? Answer: Frank Lickliter.
May I offer some originals?
• The 30-minute delay Sunday morning at Q-School wasn’t due to fog. Frank Lickliter was just blowing off some steam from his fourth-round 72.
• Frank Lickliter went to Wright State University. Because he is never wrong.
• The cutline at Q-School is wherever Frank Lickliter finishes.
• Frank Lickliter hit driver off the deck once. Then they invented tees.
• Frank Lickliter doesn’t golf. Golf Frank Lickliters.
So what’s my point, other than Frank Lickliter (w/ goatee) is the long-lost brother of former professional wrestling champion “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, the guy famous for shotgunning a beer before every match and crushing it on his forehead?
This is my point: If Frank Lickliter doesn’t want to talk to the media at Q-School, Frank Lickliter doesn’t have to talk to the media at Q-School.
Got it?
If Parker McLachlin was pulling this stunt, it’d be a different story.
Sunday Crossword archive:•
Thanks for reading the first “unthankful” column•
Justin Timberlake’s event may bring ‘SexyBack’•
Ever wonder what Phil was like before he became Lefty?•
Disney event could use some Pixie dust•
Try these golf-related costumes on for size•
How can Gatorade give Tiger a flavor and not MJ?•
Michelle Wie should have had a better 18th birthday•
Hats off to Jesper Parnevik and his Texas magic act
Posted: 12/2/2007
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